Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
