i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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