I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
