Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
