He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
