i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
