Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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