I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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