I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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