wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
