that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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