your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
