Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
