Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want to fling myself into the sun
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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