Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
