Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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