A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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