You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
