Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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