Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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