My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
