I wish I only lived at night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
