It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
