I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
