She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
