She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
