You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
