You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize