Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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