well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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