YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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