Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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