Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize