Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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