wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
