I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
