hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
