I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
