Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
