Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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