is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize