I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
