hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
