Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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