my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize