I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
