There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
