Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
