pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
