mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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