Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.