everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?