you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.