i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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