alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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50% drunk capacity currently
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.