i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
