i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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