the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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