I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
