Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
