I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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