I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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