A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
