these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We need a shit load of segways right now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
