everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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