Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
