i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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