This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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