I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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