Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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