Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
