Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
